Thursday, September 01, 2005

Still crappy.

dr. bombay
Kitty's gone and I feel worse, partially because we made the decision to put him to sleep with some uncertainty as to whether he could regain kidney function. That would have involved a few days (or more) in the Veterinary Specialty Hospital in Cary, a few thousand more dollars and a lot of worry, all for a very uncertain outcome that I just didn't feel up to facing. Even if we were able to just not think about how much it were going to cost, as the vet suggested, I just didn't feel able to deal with days or weeks of anxiety, possibly false hopes and sorrow.

Instead, I held kitty in my lap for about 20 minutes and stroked his head and face until he was as relaxed as a rag doll. I had to put him on the table for the shot, but he already had an IV line so he didn't have to feel a needle stick. He just slowly put his head down and was still. And today I'm walking around feeling like ... well, like my cat just died.

He was a sweet, goofy, laid-back guy, and I miss him. (And even though I had previously mentioned our no-new-dogs-until-one-of-the-cats-dies policy, I'm not really in the mood to adopt a new pet.)

12 comments:

wordnerdy said...

*hugs*

Irregular Shed said...

You have all my sympathy. A couple of weeks ago I lost one of my old cats - one I had to give up as an adolescent after taking him on as a kitten. My friend's mum took him in and he had a wonderful life, but he developed cancer a couple of months back and she had to let him go. I never really got over having to give him up, and I had a shitty few days. Fortunately these two I have these days (one of which was his surrogate mother) gave me lots of kitty hugs.

Steve
Irregular Shed off flickr

amanda m said...

feeling crappy is the first step to feeling better...so feel it, believe it, own it, you have the right.

i know you well enough to know how much you ove your pets, and i know that your pets ARE your babies

i don't really know what to say except for i'm sorry and you did all that you could.

thinking of the pants family, auntnanny

georg said...

Sorry to hear about Kitty. My thoughts are with you and all members of the Pants household.

emdot said...

{{ hug to pants }}

:(

i'm sorry for your kitty. may kitty now be chasing butterflies and drinking out of the buttermilk stream in the sky.

andrew said...

{further hugs}

We were sorry to hear about your loss. Please rest assured that your decision was for the best.

Lisa B. said...

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts, everyone.

Andy Chase said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Kitty, and having been through this with our greyhound Trooper last year I know there's not a lot anyone can say to make it feel better. But, I'll say this much: it's been our observation that whenever one of our critters leaves us, it seems like they pull some strings from up there and make sure that the next critter who joins our family is exactly the one who belongs.

Hang in there!

Suzie T from Flickr said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Kitty. That's one of the hardest decisions to make. Take care.

christa said...

oh, lisa... i'm so sorry. my deepest condolences...

PG said...

Lisa,

I really feel for you. JoGro and I had a similar experience with our kitty in Tampa, many years ago, having to choose to put him down a few days before Christmas. We still miss Grey Kitty a lot, 9 years later.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry about Kitty. I know how much you must miss him.