Saturday, October 01, 2005

"May Offend"

I really do try to curb my misanthropic tendencies, I swear ...

Our flyball club did a demonstration today at the NC State Vet School's "Dog Olympics." I always get annoyed by someone's behavior at these things, and today the grand prize for "Most Irritating Asshole" goes to a cameraman from WRAL. He decided, without asking us, that the best place for him to get a good shot was exactly where we and our dogs would be running: right smack in the middle of the "runback" area about 20 feet from the last jump. He was, if I may swear like a sailor and I may because it's my blog, right in our fucking way, and dangerously so, at least as far as the safety of our dogs was concerned (which is really all we care about.) We asked him to move and he refused. So we told him to move, several times (My exact words: "YOU HAVE TO MOVE!") and he snarled "I'm just trying to do my job." Dude, as far as we are concerned, your job involves staying the fuck out of our way so that we can safely do a flyball demonstration. Fortunately, a more diplomatic teammate explained to him that his presence there was a danger to our dogs, and he finally moved. It's a good thing, too, because I have been dying to try out my new catch phrase, which in this case would have been "Get out of our way NOW or you're going to get a face full of fuck you!"

Also annoying at these events are the people who think that after the demo they can just rush right in with their dogs and start trying to make them go over the jumps. Do they ask permission? No, of course not. So then we have to tell them they can't. It's not that we don't want them to learn flyball, but they can take a class and learn the correct way, at the correct pace, and with positive reward-based methods just like the rest of us. You don't turn your overweight couch potato dog into an an athlete by dragging it by the leash until it has no choice but to jump a jump. (In addition, our club has to carry liability insurance but we don't want to actually need it.) One guy went up to our outrageously expensive flyball box and started banging on it--I have no idea why. When I told him and his fat-ass family as nicely as I could that we do not allow people on our equipment, he said "I just wanted to see if my dog will do it." So I started to explain that we offer classes, and he said "That's OK, we're not interested, not if you're going to be that way about it." So I replied "Good, because we're not interested in you either." It was a nicer alternative than "We don't allow assholes in our club anyway. And by the way, your dog is too fat," which is what I was thinking.

I don't think I should volunteer for any more flyball demos ...

4 comments:

georg said...

At times like these, I'm reminded of the immortal words, spoken by Harry Dean Stanton (in Repo Man): "ordinary fuckin' people... I hate 'em"

But I'm loving the catch-phrase

Lisa B. said...

I need to re-watch "Repo Man." It's been too long.

Feel free to use the catch-phrase far and wide ...

Irregular Shed said...

Get out of our way NOW or you're going to get a face full of fuck you! and We don't allow assholes in our club anyway. And by the way, your dog is too fat are wonderful things for me to read after the day I've had today.

Thankyou, Pants!

Lisa B. said...

Happy to help, Shed!