Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Did I say happy or crappy?

Happy, I think. As in Happy Easterween, y'all. Rakka and Leff rock.

But I'm feeling a bit curmudgeonly about the whole halloween thing right now. I mean, it's great when it's an excuse to drink elaborate alcoholic concoctions, eat nibbly things and play with eyeballs, but inevitably arrives the evening when all the children in the vicinity think you have nothing better to do than sit around the house just waiting to give them all candy. What I'm really in the mood to do is dress like something from the crypt, hide in the bushes, and jump out with a mighty "raaarrrrr" when they come up the walk. Unfortunately, in a fit of "landscaping" a few years ago I deemed the existing bushes-big-enough-to-hide-behind to be hideous and I replaced them with petite and maintenance-free dwarf yaupon hollies. Perhaps I could lie like a corpse on the sidewalk ...

OK, I lied, I'm actually in the mood to curl up on the sofa and watch TV.

Halloween was fun the past two years when we held the annual sit-on-the-neighbors'-porch-and-drink-beer-whilst-dispensing-candy fest, but alas those neighbors ran away to Egypt. I'm still wondering if it was something I said. In their place are a polite French couple with an infant, who have yet to show any inclination to engage in the charming custom of porch drinking. They also accused me of scraping their couple-with-a-baby-mobile with the Pantsmobile ... well, OK, "accuse" is a strong word when the guy really just asked if I perhaps had happened to have scraped their car with mine and forgot to mention it to them (no, I hadn't). At any rate, fuck them is the way I'm feeling right now.

But Back to halloween: what really gripes me about the whole trick-or-treat thing is that people around here want to start dragging their kids around at 5:30 pm. What the hell is up with that shit? When I was a kid we didn't go out trick-or-treating until after dinner--I think it would have been considered quite rude to have shown up at someone's house asking for candy at 5:30. What's wrong with these people? Perhaps I shall make a sign and put it on the front door that says "No candy until I've walked the dogs and had some dinner. Assholes."

I should stop blogging-while-cranky, shouldn't I?

4 comments:

r4kk4 said...

i love it when you're cranky! :D!

(oh, and i'm glad you enjoyed the eggs! thanks!)

Anonymous said...

i am all about bringing back offensive...hope you put up that sign!!!!

Anonymous said...

ps

happy halloween

I-steal-my-kids-candy,
burnt

Seth said...

When I was their age we wouldn't go out trick-or-treating until dark. Our parents would quietly shove us outside in our all black outfits to go crossing major streets and knocking on stranger's doors alone.

Those were the days. Sure you'd get a few candies with razorblades, or worse yet, popcorn balls or pennies (Who gives pennies you prick!) but it was all in fun and the subsequent month of candy-induced diabetic coma was all part of the game until Thanksgiving came.