Monday, December 04, 2006

Guest blogger: my friend Ted

I'm all stove up (translation: stiff and sore) from mucho running around during my dog agility weekend (results to be posted in ye olde dogge blogge once I feel like writing them up), but my friend Ted (who has no blog of his own even though he really should) sent me something that begs to be published. It's a review he tried to post at Amazon, but the bastards deep-sixed it:
My Review of Diana Ross's new Album "I Love You" (by Ted Norton)

I am not prone to negative reviews but ain't we all had enough of this self-agrandizing bitch? Anyone who thinks she has exceptional talents really needs to leave the house more! All she ever does is raise her arms above her head and look through pieces of gauze in the same lame video concept she's used for over twenty years now. On top of that she's got the unmitigated guts to cover the "Look of Love", Dusty's signature song. (Dusty for those who don't know, was a singer. Ross, for those who don't know, is a self-promoting no talent wench who ruined Flo Ballard's life, screwed her boss to gain favor, re-hijacked the name "Supremes" -which Ballard invented! - once she had ruined her own career, and has generally mistreated people for decades). Aside from all of that, people should lay off "Look of Love" in deference to Dusty. The song had been ruined by "lounge singers". Anita Baker successfully cut the second definitive version by actually being original in 1994, and along comes this bitch to screw it up all over again.

Who Miss Ross think she is?

Does this woman need any more of your money?

What did she ever do for anybody without stamping her name all over?

God I just cannot stand her. I think I might be in hate with her...

Something in Diana Ross brings out the "I Hate You" in all of us!

p.s. How come Diana got to fondle Lil Kim's breast, but poor Clay took
a public whipping for placing his hand in front of Kelly's mouth?
Will somebody, anybody, please do that to Diana? Of course we don't
know where that mouth has been, and I don't wanna Ho your hand!


Anonymous said...

um, hello!
ms. ross gave us (and by 'us' i mean, the world) her surgically enhanced clone:
michael jackson.


andrew said...

Jeez - you would think that Amazon woud want to be the first place on the internet to be a forum for people to call women bitches.

Lisa B. said...

Ted never fails to offend.

ted said...

and that was the POLITE version of the review!

If any woman on Earth can justifiably be called a bitch, it is Diana Ross and Diana Ross alone, my friends! (p.s. how come it's okay to call a guy a "dick" but calling a woman a "bitch" or a "c@#t" is not okay? Methinks some sexism exists here. Of course I could just be very P.C. and say that Diana Ross is an Asshole...Yeah ... that's the ticket... Asshole...