Friday, December 29, 2006

I know you are but what am I?

I realize that the amount of time, money and effort I spend on dog sports makes me seem strange to some people. And they have a point. But I feel positively normal compared to these folks. It might be watching the Rose Parade to see them, though.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Merry rest of the holiday season

I got back from me mum's yesterday feeling like utter crap. I had barely enough energy to fire off an incendiary bomb to the neighborhood e-mail list and heat up some frozen veggie eggrolls (Chungs--we get them at Target and they are tasty) before I collapsed on the sofa to watch telenovelas en español. I was all achey and I felt a bit feverish. I seriously thought I had the flu, and I was worried about who whould do my radio show for me if it turned out I was indeed really sick. I'm feeling a lot better today, however, so I'll be on the air tonight, 8-10 pm eastern. 88.7 FM or, whichever works for you. I'm still feeling a bit tired, so I may just call upon good old Fela Kuti give me a chance to relax a bit.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Jingle bells, batman smells ....

I'll be even less interesting than usual for the next few days as the little dog and I are going down to Myrtle Beach to visit the Pants Mother. Mr. Pants will stay in town, however, so please feel free to call him up and invite him out for a tasty beverage or two. Be careful of the chicken. Beware the "faux" fur. Resist the "wrap rage." And go ahead and skip church on xmas eve.


Her Royal Highness Lisa the Dulcet of Lower Wombleshire
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Baked by zombie elves ...

zombie cookie armyzombie robotzombie teddy bearangelgingerbread menbearsdeck the halls with braiinnsssss!

I got into the holiday spirit this weekend by making cookies--delish shortbread cookies with royal icing. There's only one problem with my cookies ... they will eat your braaiinnsss if you don't eat them first.

I also did some xmas shopping. I really didn't want to battle crowds and drive around and around looking for a parking space, so I went to a place that's never, ever crowded: Northgate Mall. Seriously, I have no idea how that place stays in business, but I'm very happy it's there. I normally hate malls, but I love Northgate because it's really rather serene in there. All the uptight people go to Southpoint, so Northgate is left for the laid-back folks who don't give a crap that the mall doesn't have a Nordstom. There's plenty of room to move around and there are very few long lines.

I also discovered a really great place to eat in the food court. It's called Las Lomitas and I had a fantastic custom-made bean burrito. The couple that run the place (I suppose they own it) are very friendly, and I think they would have custom-made me whatever I asked for, whether or not it was on the menu. I think I'm going to go back next time I want a quick and yummy bite to eat.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Nothing to see here ...

OK, I'm still reeling over how huge and hideous the proposed new condo development some developers (Park City Development) want to cram onto a tiny lot in my little tree-lined neighborhood is. I'm all for infill development to reduce sprawl, but this just looks completely out of proportion. Plus it's in the style I think of as "Developer's Special"--obviously meant to be rather "houselike" in a completely generic, bland and inoffensive way. It's funny how the drawing has sort of sanitized some of the area surrounding the proposed beast ... probably because the selling points of "Elegance" and "Serenity" become rather ridiculous when you realize that those little balconies will afford the residents a breathtaking view of Papa John's Pizza.

I remember when one of the Park City Development guys, Steve Ortmann, was pitching the initial development idea for the site (a "boutique" hotel) to our neighborhood e-mail list (and sending at least one dissenter, i.e. me, hostile off-list e-mails for daring to voice our disagreement with him), a couple of people were of the opinion that we had to get behind the project or "somebody may decide to build a drug store or something there." I'm still wondering what would be so wrong with that--wouldn't it be great to have a pharmacy within walking, or at least easy biking, distance of my house? I'd love that. Someone (golly, I wonder who?) also started a rumor that the alternative to Park City's proposal was for a drug rehab center to be built at the site. Naturally this scared the poop out of the neighborhood residents, many of whom had bought into the neigborhood during the recent real estate rush when prices were a bit jaw-dropping. Most of them would approve a Portal to Hell being built on the site if it would prevent the 'hood from being overrun by Tyrone Biggums.

At least this thing is seven blocks away from my house so I don't have to actually live with it on a daily basis. And honestly, judging from our neighborhood email list, I think a heinous, traffic-snarling monstrosity right down the street is exactly what some of the people in my neighborhood deserve.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Not just cake, but two kinds of cake

Radio! Tonight! 8-10 pm Eastern time! 88.7 FM or!

Also, developer types are turning a former hospital in our neighborhood into some gawdawful hideous condominums. They are going to call it ... I can barely keep myself from gagging on this ... "The Chancellory at Trinity Park." If you're interested, they will be unveiling the piece of shit renderings and plans at the the Broad Street Cafe at 5:30 pm tomorrow, Thursday December 14th. There will be egg nog "and other holiday "cheer" for everyone to enjoy." Apparently you have to RSVP to a dude named Lou Goetz at "loupcd (at) aol (dot) com". I really wish I could be there to loudly proclaim how ugly this is, but alas I have a life, pathetic as it may be.


juan dieguitoguadalupanosguadalupanos

At Santa Salsera's suggestion, Mr. Pants and I went to the procession in honor of Nuestra Señora de Guadalupe last night. It started at Immaculate Conception Catholic Church and wound its way through the surrounding neighborhood. A good time was had by all, and I think I'll plan to go again next year. In fact, I may even consider staying up and going to the 1 am mass next year just to hear the mariachis that play there. But for all I know I'll burn to a crisp upon entering the church, godless imfidel that I am. All I know is that I need more mariachis in my life.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Speaking of death ...

OK, so had I been in Chile Sunday, I probably would have been one of these people. His death is too little too late, IMO. So today I'm reading a load of shit in the Washington Post, and I'm thinking that I must overcome my incredible laziness and write a screed on how heinous it is to even contemplate balancing a so-called* economic miracle against a reign of torture, terror and murder ... but phew! Thanks to the Wash Post's little linkback feature, I see someone else has already done it for me! Yes, thanks to Adam at A Violently Executed Blog (he also posted this entry about about the death of Perrochet on monday, when I was too busy browsing all the photos tagged with "Pinochet" on Flickr to actually write anything.)

(Lots more people had stuff to say about the heinous Wash Post editorial, too ... although some didn't think it all that heinous.)

Fortunately I was able to read Ariel Dorfman's Op-Ed piece in the NYT, which I needed as a palate cleanser to chase away the nasty taste left by the WP editorial.

* The question is "miracle for whom?" Ask the average Chilean, whose wages are probably so far behind the cost of living that he has to pay for his socks on an installment plan, exactly what kind of miracle has taken place, and you may get a different answer than the economists and editorializers give you.

Went to bed, hit his head and forgot to get up in the morning

I admit I'm rather morbid and I often think about death, dead bodies (speaking of which, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach is one of my favoritest books evah), ways people become dead, etc. As I've accumulated lots of online friends and acquaintances I've wondered many times how I would notify them should I happen to snuff it unexpectedly. My preferred method would be for my ghost to go on a world tour and scare the living crap out of everyone, but since I don't actually believe in ghosts the possibility of that happening appears very remote.

Fortunately, thanks to Wiki-How, there is a step-by-step guide on How to Share Your Obituary With Your Online Friends. But wait, I just realized that it involves a bit of work. Is there a lazy person's version, because I really can't see myself even remembering half this stuff, much less acutally making a list of it.

OK, I've got it. Should I not update this blog, post new photos to Flickr, respond to comments or emails, etc., and you're wondering if I'm dead, go over to the list of links on the right that says "Locals." Chances are if I were to croak one of them would probably have heard something about it. If it's a slow day, maybe one of them would even blog my passing. At any rate, you could always post a comment asking "Hey, whatever happened to that Pants person? Her blog has become a real snore lately." So there. That was easy.

The topic of morbidity reminds me of something I spoke about a couple of weeks ago: sanitizing everything to make it "safe" for children. I just remembered that my niece told me that some overzealous crazies have even tried to "clean up" a popular children's prayer--the one that starts out "Now I lay me down to sleep," to remove the reference to death: "If I should die before I wake." My niece couldn't remember what exactly they have the children say instead, but the idea is to protect the children from the thinking about the possibility of death because ... well I don't have any idea why the hell people do shit like that. So the children grow up completely unable to handle the realities of life and can thus write more interesting memoirs as an emotionally crippled adult? I guess that makes sense.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I've been in the basement, mixing up the medicine

I've been in the basement, mixing up the medicine
Originally uploaded by bunchofpants.

I made a mix cd. It's not actually all that good, but it's made me keen on collecting tuneage for a potential Vol. 2.

(Self-congratulatory side-note: See the bong on the cd cover? I made that meself with my madd skillz in Adobe Illustrator. The rest of the cover is clip art, but for some reason none of the clip art collections includes drug paraphernalia.)

Monday, December 04, 2006

Guest blogger: my friend Ted

I'm all stove up (translation: stiff and sore) from mucho running around during my dog agility weekend (results to be posted in ye olde dogge blogge once I feel like writing them up), but my friend Ted (who has no blog of his own even though he really should) sent me something that begs to be published. It's a review he tried to post at Amazon, but the bastards deep-sixed it:
My Review of Diana Ross's new Album "I Love You" (by Ted Norton)

I am not prone to negative reviews but ain't we all had enough of this self-agrandizing bitch? Anyone who thinks she has exceptional talents really needs to leave the house more! All she ever does is raise her arms above her head and look through pieces of gauze in the same lame video concept she's used for over twenty years now. On top of that she's got the unmitigated guts to cover the "Look of Love", Dusty's signature song. (Dusty for those who don't know, was a singer. Ross, for those who don't know, is a self-promoting no talent wench who ruined Flo Ballard's life, screwed her boss to gain favor, re-hijacked the name "Supremes" -which Ballard invented! - once she had ruined her own career, and has generally mistreated people for decades). Aside from all of that, people should lay off "Look of Love" in deference to Dusty. The song had been ruined by "lounge singers". Anita Baker successfully cut the second definitive version by actually being original in 1994, and along comes this bitch to screw it up all over again.

Who Miss Ross think she is?

Does this woman need any more of your money?

What did she ever do for anybody without stamping her name all over?

God I just cannot stand her. I think I might be in hate with her...

Something in Diana Ross brings out the "I Hate You" in all of us!

p.s. How come Diana got to fondle Lil Kim's breast, but poor Clay took
a public whipping for placing his hand in front of Kelly's mouth?
Will somebody, anybody, please do that to Diana? Of course we don't
know where that mouth has been, and I don't wanna Ho your hand!

Friday, December 01, 2006

You don't want a nice toaster? It's from God.

I'll be off to Fletcher, NC, to compete in an agility trial this weekend. If you're really keen on hearing me run on about front crosses and reverse flow pivots I'll probably blather a bit in the dog blog about it.

Anyway, which of you turned me on to the Endangered Durham blog? Maybe Chris? Georg? Anyway, whoever it was, thanks a lot, dammit. I'm addicted to it (and Sven is really good about posting regularly, so there's always something new to read), but it pisses me the hell off. I love Durham, but now when I look around at all the huge gaping vacant lots (and we do have a lot of them), I imagine the really stupendously grand structures that once stood there. From the looks of the old pictures, it appears that tobacco money made this city a real showplace of grand architecture. Then things faltered a bit and some really boneheaded ideas about "urban renewal" took hold, and a lot of the city's grand past was reduced to parking lots or just empty fields. Unfortunately, current ideas about urban renewal don't seem much better because it all boils down to letting developers decide what we need, and their sole motivation is "How can I squeeze the maximum profit out of this piece of land before I move on to my next project?" The answer often seems to be a Branded Experience™. So maybe we can look forward to downtown Durham being torn down and a replica of The Streets at Southpoint being built in its place ...