Monday, June 04, 2007

I just flew in from Boston and boy are my ... oh never mind

The truth is I'm lazy. And I can't even be bothered to think much. So I've been neglecting my blog.

But yesterday I was part of a phenomenon we call a "baby shower" in this bizarre culture of ours. The one thing I will say in defense of baby showers is that they are not nearly as godawful as bridal showers. I'm pissed off at all men because they are never, ever expected to attend baby showers (or bridal ones). Bastards.

Actually, I've got nothing against getting together and bestowing onesies, Boppies and assorted baby containment devices at women about to pop out a young'un. And the target of this particular shower happens to be a good friend whom I like very much and I was happy to help shower her with gifts (even though I disapprove of any and all human procreation). But in the world of showerdom, it's not enough just to put out a spread of food and let people drop off a gift, chow down and leave. We have to watch The Opening of the Gifts. Ooh, a onesie. Ahh, a Boppy. Ooh ahh, a baby containment device. I think I missed out on the gene that makes that sort of thing thrilling.

But the worst part of all is that we have to play a game. Usually these games involve something to do with baby names, but as this shower was almost exclusively attended by dog people, specifically agility and flyball folks, we at least got to play a dog-themed game: we divided into teams and competed to see which team could name the most "famous" dogs. Apparently, I discovered, it's considered bad form to actually try to win such a game. My team won. Although I'm still pissed that a robot dog (Daggett from the original Battlestar Galactica) and a puppet dog (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) were for some reason not allowed, while cartoon dogs were perfecly OK (we got plenty of those).

I hope no one else I know decides to get pregnant.

9 comments:

Seth said...

Clarification of the rules:

Men aren't required to attend bridal showers. Exception: gay men, or at least this gay man has been compelled to attend.

Baby showers however, not so much. I guess we're no good with the whole procreation thing. The breeders are afraid we'll mess it up. :)

Lisa B. said...

Oh, you poor dear. Bridal showers are teh suxxor.

And I think the whole procreation thing needs to be messed up ...

r4kk4 said...

aw, poor pants! :( i'm sorry.

i only attend showers where i know that booze will be attending. because booze and i are bff at these sorts of occasions.

viva childlessness! long live childlessness!

Lisa B. said...

good policy. I'll have to adopt it ;-)

wordnerdy said...

i'm going to a co-ed baby shower next weekend in atlanta . . . they're a cool couple so i'm hoping to avoid stupid baby games. we had a baby shower at work last week where the game involved guessing the correct terms for various baby animals, which was surprisingly hard. one of the dudes at the party won a pink shoe-shaped notepad. it was awesome.

elsacapuntas said...

party games that don't involve drinking at pre-specified queues have no place in adult life. unless they are lawn games, and then they should be combined with the aforementioned type of game, or at least with steady drinking.

elsacapuntas said...

wait, so a boppy is just an airplane neck-pillow with pastel fabric?

Lisa B. said...

Yes, but bigger.

Oooh, drunken lawn darts ...

andrew said...

I attended a baby shower last year too, despite my penis.










It was shit.