Monday, October 06, 2008

Does this security checkpoint make me look fat?

I went to Chicago over the weekend. The most noteworthy bit was when I got to see the White Sox beat Tampa Bay in game 3 of their ALDS matchup. Well OK, I had to leave before the actual win to catch my flight home, but when I left they were ahead and they didn't score more after I was gone, so I'm counting it as seeing the win. Our seats were right above the Sox bullpen (thanks to the fact that a sister of the friend I visited works for the White Sox). See, I got pictures:

a.j. gets his gear on toss it to me me me!

My friend Jackie and I did lots of other stuff in Chicago and I'll post photos on Flickr. Maybe. Sooner or later.

But the thing currently sticking in my memory is that I was pulled aside for a pat-down while going through security at Midway. It wasn't random, either--apparently the three layers of shirts I was wearing (hey, I was at a ball game in Chicago in October--I could have frozen my ass off) made me look suspicious, because the guy yelled out "Female. Bulky. Pat-down." Yes, dude called me bulky. Loudly. And then I caught him checking out my ass while I was waiting for a woman TSA worker to show up and pat me down. I wanted to say something like "yeah, my ass is so hot it'll make the plane explode, baby!" But it's not a good idea to mess with TSA workers because you're never sure which one is going to be stupid, easily threatened and on a power trip. So I kept my mouth shut and eventually got a quick, cursory pat-down by a woman who was way bulkier than I am. She was very nice, almost apologetic, and I was on my way very quickly. So it wasn't such a big deal, just my chance to play a role in TSA's theater of the absurd


phil said...

Bulky, indeed.

See here for a TSA story that I saw but didn't participate in:

georg said...

back in may, i got pulled aside for a pat-down at JFK because the TSA goon decided that my driver's license was too smudged or faded or something. even tho it had been in acceptable condition when i'd flown out of RDU two days earlier.
theatre of the absurd, indeed...

--Lisa S. said...

Now you'll get all of our security-check stories!

While expecting my first child, I read in some book that the magnetron scanner (or whatever it's called) might be something to avoid, so the book recommended requesting a manual scan instead. This was prior to 9/11.

When I requested the "manual" scan at an airport, a woman was called over to wand me (baby). She enjoyed the pat-down and wanding perhaps more than the job warranted and certainly WAY more than I did.

...On the return flight, I just went through the usual scanner.

Lisa B. said...

It's rather fun having people post their stories here ... if we put them all together into a script it would make a very entertaining theater performance.